1996, we are offered satsang in ShantiMayi’s garden daily. I always take care to be early for satsang, drinking in the scene that so timelessly calls upon my heart’s desire: The desire to realize the essential nature from within. In fact, the word “desire” is far too casual to cover my deep, deep longing. I have heard ShantiMayi use the word “tapasia” for this essential thirst of the heart.
All my senses are sharpened to the extreme when ShantiMayi starts speaking. I wish to extract the sacred message, and am dedicated to extract it NOW! Some words are resonating so deeply, as if they stand out in the sentences she speaks.
These words keep circling and circling with the intensity of a bolt of lightning. My mind is raging like a storm to grasp what she is saying: This must me “it”. I feel like I am exploding and without taking in consideration my “turn” to speak, I exclaim: “Where is it?!!”
ShantiMayi’s head shifts into my direction in an instant. Her eyes represent the same lightning intensity. I hear Her say: “It is not mental gymnastics, you are sitting in it!”
I am dumfounded and grasp the sand where I am sitting on with both hands as if this were my last anchor point. I make a firm decision: I will not leave this spot before I see what She is speaking about. When I am sitting in it, I would be sitting in it everywhere. Why move an inch? And so I sit… and sit…. not caring about anything, anyone or any time.
The next thing I am aware of is a light ray. It comes from a torch. As time must have been passing by, the night fell, and ShantiMayi shines her torch from her veranda on me without saying anything. I do not react; it is just a passing experience, and I disappear into a void again: timeless no-thing-ness. In this timeless-no-thing-ness, a pristine transparent awareness surfaces; completely impersonal. Un-named sounds without direction or meaning are perceived: Sounds of Silence in Boundless Eternal Awareness.
“How is Ambani?” Another sound… in silence….
By “calling me back” she has thought me a Great Teaching.
I am getting carefully on my feet, barely able to get my body moving.
I feel completely drunk while walking to my room…..
Nothing to grasp… and all to be.
Leela (story) published in the book: Shri Hans Raj Maharajji AndThe Dawn of a New Consciousness